A GREATER EMPATHY

I was reminded of a costly lesson the other day. It involved an inadvertent but foolish mishap that affected my son. It was something that to the outward observer might have seemed inconsequential but to a tender and young heart I knew the weight of what mistaken laughter can cause. We didn’t realize it and his eyes welled up and I saw shame, hurt and embarrassment in his eyes.

We quickly dealt with it and reassured him of his value and held him and loved him. All was well after that but I knew that things like that create core memories in little hearts that are carried for years into adulthood.

I instinctively knew this because I saw myself in his tears. My mind raced back to a myriad of times as a young boy where that shame, embarrassment and anxiety dug deep inside of me and set up house. I can still remember them and almost taste that time, such was the weight of those memories.

And I thought to myself that this will probably be something that he will always remember but I reminded myself this - God won’t wipe away this memory from his mind because it’s an opportunity to grow empathy within him. And He will use it for his good.

How can this be? I speak from my own rocky experiences, all the empathy I hold within me came from pain. I know what it is like to hurt so much so that you feel completely alone and erased. I know what it is like not to recall specific memory but within your gut know what has been done. To have all that you know and trusted in pulled out under your feet and to know the sting of betrayal.

None of that is what God wanted and I would wager an argument could be made against the existence of a good God, One who would allow such evils to fall on the weak and defenseless. But this isn’t about that.

But I do know my experience and I do know that despite all this, I found goodness in Him and through the rocky slopes of my pain, I learned empathy. For those I could relate to and those wholly different from me.

The Psalmist wrote that The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in Spirit. Psalm 34:18 It is that still small voice that speaks comfort to a heart, a heart that crushed by life in turn reaches out to set a healing balm on the pain of another. It took me 50 odd years to truly learn this. But I have never learned anything so valuable and true in my life.

Empathy. The world is sorely lacking in this currency these days. What true value is it to us if we only feel kinship and empathy for those we love and those who think like us but never to the stranger? We don’t think of it or hold it back with malice intentionally but as we go along with our days we forget this. We’ve conditioned ourselves to be blind to others who are outside our little spheres of life. And yes, we cannot help everyone and we should be careful in our interactions with others but how often do we venture out as did the good Samaritan? Filled with pity this man found and reached out to a man beaten and robbed who the good religious sorts ignored and avoided. His decency and empathy moved him to act on what was more than likely a Jewish man, a man whose kin were the very enemy of the Samaritan people.

Empathy has gone derelict, lost and battered and set adrift in our greater world these days if we are to listen to all that is bull horned over our airwaves. Selective media and foolish ideologues with political pundits scramble for influence and power, and with a thin veneer of public faith promote the danger of the “other” and bandy about fear in our newsfeeds. And we in turn grow desensitized and our empathy for others only becomes useful when it suits our needs.

No, this is not the way, nor should it be the fruit of one who claims Christ as His Lord. It is only because of our Good Samaritan, His Love that we can grow a proper empathy. An empathy that is fostered by a Love that raises us up to “Go and do likewise.” Luke 10:37

Pain does not need define us in devastating ways but in the proper hands, His hands, it can be remade to do good. It can humble the brazen and birth a heart of flesh and tie one to another because of that familiarity. Like myself I am positive you are well versed in your own hurt. But we have a choice in these roughshod days. To allow that hurt to poison us and leave us bitter and jaded, suspicious of others or to let it form us into agents of positive good in our own small slice of this place.

And through his mother and I, we will use these teachable moments to raise up our children to have the heart of the Great Samaritan and to seek the good in others and to be about the ministry of reconciliation He has called us to. To not look on race, creed or to find identity in party lines but to see others as He sees us. As works of art in the making. As image bearers in need of love and hope. And to hold empathy in a time when it is greatly needed.

For as Paul wrote: “fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” Philippians 2:2-4

May this be.